Follow Your Heart! (and 8 Weeks to Go!)
Happy, happy Friday my friends! I hope you have a lot of excitement going on this weekend, I know I do! I have a house full of guests, a wedding to go to and my baby shower on Sunday! So excited!
The other day, I received an email from a reader who asked to remain anonymous. She wanted to know my thoughts on the right time to have a baby, and I wanted to share that with all of you.
I don’t necessarily think there is a right or wrong time to have a baby. I do think there will always be a reason to put it off-wanting to buy a home, figuring out your career path, losing those last 5 lbs. In the end though, it felt like those were all excuses.
Solomon and I knew we both wanted to have our first child by the time we were 30, which would be next year. We also had all of those reasons to wait:
- I was incredibly unhappy in PA and did not have a job, or much to keep me entertained. I was basically right on the edge of a depression.
- I have no idea what my career path is. Despite having my J.D., I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.
- We both wanted to get into tip top shape.
- Babies are expensive-can we afford this without giving up too many of the luxuries we enjoy?
- Rufio. He has been our baby for 2 years. Is he ready to give up being our focus?
- Etc., etc., etc.
Finally, we sat down and had a talk about it. We realized that no matter what, there would also be a reason to wait. We could win the lottery, pay off all of our loans and live the perfect life (for us), but would want to spend time traveling, and it might make sense to put a baby on hold for that reason.
Finally, we just decided to put it in the hands of fate, and see what happened. We were very fortunate and able to get pregnant right away, which was a complete and total shock for us. We thought we would have more time to figure things out, but it wasn’t written in the stars that way for us.
In the end, I honestly believe that we were blessed with this little boy at this time for a reason. If I had a job in PA, we probably would have stayed no matter what, even with a baby. Maybe it was good I didn’t have a job, and we had to move, because this pregnancy was able to bring me back to myself. I was able to be my own person again, without any fears of depression. He also brought us back to Boston-back to Solomon’s family, closer to my family, closer to a Jewish community, closer to a culture and life we know and love. The list just goes on and on. We know he happened to us for a reason, and we are thankful everyday for what he has done for us, both individually and as a couple, and we haven’t even met him yet!
So the bottom line is, there may never be a perfect time for you. Not just for having a baby, but for anything big that you want to do in your life. So take that risk, and put your life in the hands of fate, it may turn out to be the best choice you make!
Week 32
Right now, baby is at about 4 lbs. and isn’t getting much longer! His skin is getting much more opaque, and pinking up as layers of fat deposit beneath his skin. He is also head down at this point (the doctor checked), so I feel him squirming and moving in different spots in my belly. His bones are also hardening, and his brain continues to develop more folds and connections. He has also (ALLEGEDLY) developed regular sleeping and waking schedules, but it seems like he’s just up and playing at random! With the way things are moving and growing, my lungs have limited room to expand, and breathing is getting a lot harder. At least little boy is getting enough air! The growth is also making me have to spend much more time in the bathroom, because seriously, I didn’t spend enough before?!?! Also, since things are getting a lot tighter in there, I can see him moving around a whole lot more. It’s always bizarre to look down and see your stomach just moving along like a jelly mold.
This outfit makes me look like I’m ready for a trip on a sailboat!
What’s up this weekend? Anything fun?
When was the last time you put a decision in the hands of fate? Was it the right choice?
Beantown Momma 
Happy 32 weeks! I sort of think that it is normal to never “feel ready” to have a baby! My husband kept saying “one more year” and I kept agreeing. Then I was like “maybe we dont want kids afterall” and he disagreed. I was with you on the “kid by age 30 thing” and we were running low on time so here we are with a baby! 🙂
I agree with everything you said. There will always be a reason not to have a baby but eventually your gut just shows you its right and you have to take the chance to see what happens. The same scenario happened for us with M. There were plenty of reasons to wait, but we knew in our hearts we had to give it a go.
I can’t believe you are already 32 weeks!!!
First of all, you look great and I love the outfit.
Second, I third or fourth the when is the right time to have a baby thing. Jeff and I had a very similar conversation, and our hangup was day care. Neither of us wanted to give up our jobs, but we didn’t want to put an infant in day care, either. When I mentioned it to my mom, she said something along the lines of “well, that’s just what some people have to do.” That pretty much sealed the deal, and here we are (well, I’m about 7ish weeks behind you I think)! I think you just figure things out as they come sometimes.
Wow, I can’t believe how big you’ve gotten—in a good way of course 🙂
If it’s any consolation, I still dont know what I want to do with my life. I have a journalism degree but work in finance. How did that happen??!
God totally knew what he was doing when he sent us our little boy when he did. Even though I wanted him for a whole year before that, God knew better than me and now that I’m finally pregnant, I appreciate it so much more than I would have and think twice before complaining. I definitely think it happens when it’s supposed to happen, for sure!! 🙂
You look great!! It’s such a treat watching you and reading all about how you’re feeling!!
Great post. I know I have these same thoughts because I am 30, but I also have only been married a year and I want to have us time now, but I am afraid to wait to too. I know people who have stopped taking BCP and figured they had time because all their friends say it will take a few months maybe a year, but they all got pregnant right away. Luckily I know this now and will not be shocked if that were to happen, when we decide to start our family. Also, we have a year left on the island, and you can’t have a baby here. Ok, the baby can be here, but you have to deliver elsewhere because they do not have the care should the baby need a NICU or something major happens to mom. They have no AF hospital and use the very old facility 20 minutes away, but it is the rules on the base here to go elsewhere and storknest. So, I would ratehr wait and just be somewhere else instead of possibly away from my “home” the last 2 months of pregnancy. Oh yeah, and with moving that is too much for me to imagine an international move with a dog and a cat while pregnant for the first time. I know it sounds like I am making excuses, but to me, these are legitimate concerns. Oh well, on day. As for you, I do think this was the right time and I know you are in a good place back at home now.
What a great question. While I’m only twenty and haven’t put much thought into babies, I completely agree with your response. I think it applies to a lot of things in life, buying a new home, switching careers, or anything that requires a big life change – there’s never that perfect time, there’s always going to be a reason not to, but if you keep waiting for the perfect time you might never get to experience something great! Plus, I think being under that pressure of having a baby and maybe not having your career established or be in tip top shape, brings out the best in you and really challenges you to do it all.
Thanks for this post!! My husband and talk about when the right time to have a baby is almost every day. We always say, I don’t know if we can afford it, we’d like to travel a little bit before a baby, etc. etc. We’ll figure it out…hopefully that day will come soon for me because I just can’t wait to be a mom! I love reading your pregnancy posts 🙂
Ah! You’re so cute! I can’t believe you are getting so close to meeting the little guy!
Great questions and great responses! I agree completely. There is always a reason why “now” isn’t a good time. Especially when it comes to something as big as having a baby. I think its important to talk it over in depth, considering the financial implications, career implications, etc. But int he end, there is no perfect time. I wanted to have kids right away because we got married juat before I turned 30 and I wanted to have a baby before turning 30. But I’m really glad we waited and had the past 2 years to grow as a couple. Our little guy is going to arrive at the perfect time.
Fun weekend plans??? A baseball game tonight. And tomorrow? I have a baby shower to go to…
I just found your blog and I have to say that you are adorable. I’m so excited to see you evolve into a healthy mom!
aw, thank you! Not much longer until I am a mommy!
Aw you look fantastic, I’m so glad you are back and Boston!
This was a great post. I feel no where near ready to have a baby, but I think something that big I may never feel totally ready. As long as people are smart about it (as in they don’t have a baby when they literally have NO money haha), I think they can make it worth with a little change in priorities.
I think you’re on the money with the when to have a baby – if you let outside circumstances in, one would NEVER have a child! The most important thing is to listen to yourself. Up until the Summer of 2008, I was not ready for a child. I knew I wanted one at some point, but mentally I wasn’t ready yet – for no reason other than I wasn’t ready to have a child. Then it was like a switch was flipped in my head in the fall and I was like “hey, I want to be a mom!” Dave and I were also very fortunate to get pregnant really fast (I still remember when Dave came home, I told him I was pregnant and his first reaction was “already?!”)
For anyone out there looking to get pregnant, I think the most important thing is to just let it happen and not try TOO hard. Like Morgan and Solomon, Dave & I just decided that we weren’t going to do any birth control methods anymore, but not go out of our way to try to get pregnant (ovulation calendars, different positions, etc). I know of a few people that have gone through crazy measures to get pregnant, and it seems like they all took much longer. Stress does crazy things to a woman’s body (throws off your cycle, hormones, etc), so putting pressure on yourself, I think, only makes it that much harder because now your body isn’t doing what it should do. Just leave it up to God(s), fate, whatever it is you believe and enjoy the time with each other!